Less Is More: No MVPs Allowed In Love

If there is one thing that psychologists, therapists, and helpers in general are notorious for it’s bringing a MVP attitude into our personal relationships. As a result, we tend to do way too much work in relationships. We feel LeBron James-like because we are used to fixing everyone else’s relationships and, quite naturally, take the lead role on fixing our own.

Well, well, well…how exactly did that work out for LeBron? He took the lead role only to discover that a team without a MVP had significantly more power. Why? Because each member of the Orlando Magic simply focused on “doing his part” and allowing their teammates to do the same. It kept everyone focused, included, and HAPPY. Truth is, everyone wants to feel like a contributor by doing his/her respective part well.

The same thing holds true in relationships. Two people who commit to doing their equal share (50%) are always stronger than a couple with a 75-25, MVP-style split. As helpers, we should know that a fist is always more powerful than a finger-no matter how big or clinically skilled it is. We must commit to simply doing our part (never to exceed 50%) and rely and expect our partners to do the rest. They are not patients, clients, etc. and are fully capable-if allowed- to do their part.

We cannot single-handily fix our relationships. When we try, we always make matters worse and our partners eventually feel disempowered and ultimately do less and less since we are so driven to do it all (like LeBron’s teammates). Ironically, the team or relationship needs the MVP to fail so that the other partners can step up and shoulder the load. When we do this, our partners will appreciate us more and we’ll become a stronger team. Remember, when it comes to helpers, MVPs and love… less truly is more.

Do you find this to be true in your relationships?

Please Flirt with My Man!

You are enjoying a wonderful first date at- SURPRISE- a nice restaurant in the upscale part of town. He opens the door for you and things are going even better than planned and then it happens…

That cute, little waitress who seated the two of you- who already was a little too friendly for your liking in the first place- walks over and makes direct eye contact with your date and tops off his wine while barely even acknowledging you. Mr. Love-Of-Your-Life smiles and returns the direct eye contact with Ms. Friendly. It looks like you aren’t the only one who’s in the market for a man who's marriage material.

What do you do?

A) Give the waitress a piece of your mind.

B) Instruct your date to focus his attention on you and only you.

C) Ignore it and move on with the date.

D) Give the waitress a compliment and ask for the manager

If you answered A… WRONG.
If you answered B… WRONG.
If you answered C… WRONG.
If you answered D… CONGRATULATIONS and GET YOUR RING FINGER READY!

A. While putting the waitress in her place, refocusing your date, or outright ignoring Ms. Rude might make you feel better; it certainly will ruin any chance you have with Mr. Right. Why? Any attention you focus on the waitress affirms her as a threat in your date’s mind. If you have to check her then men think, "She must be worth pursuing or at least flirting with."

B. If you have to instruct or request that your date refocus his attention on you, the “She’s Controlling Alarm” may be set off. Also, you appear desperate. Even worse, now that you have officially verified the waitress as someone powerful enough to distract his attention away from you, he will undoubtedly want her more.

C. A logical answer except for the possibility that ignoring the waitress may send a message that you are oblivious, powerless, or accepting of other women openly flirting with your date ("All Men Are Dogs Anyway Disorder"). Although it makes no sense to women, the cuter the waitress is the more your typical man will try to rationalize why it’s not “so bad” to get her number. After all, YOU didn’t say anything...maybe you didn't even notice...or you're insecure and would rather share a man versus have none at all.

D. Congratulations. MR. RIGHT is going home with YOU. I’m impressed because you must have read my book, The Ring Formula: How To Marry MR. RIGHT, because you just pulled a serious POWER MOVE even a psychologist would be impressed with. Oh, I’m sorry…you’re probably asking, “What did I do?”

By publicly acknowledging her beauty you demonstrated that while her beauty and flirtation were obvious, it was certainly no threat to you. Your date will be impressed that you don’t have any insecurities despite a blatant violation by the waitress. By asking for the manager, you scare the bejesus out of the waitress because she knows she was wrong.

However, being the super-dynamic, awesome, confident woman that you are, you decide to throw a curve ball. Instead of complaining, you praise her for her excellent customer service. Can you say mind games? In turn, the waitress is so relieved that she tries to cover her tracks by filling your wine and being super nice to YOU. In fact, when she returns to check on your table she doesn’t even look at YOUR man again. My, my how the tables have turned!

Chances are that your date has never met a woman so confident and skillful. He now begins to look at you as the potential “ONE” because you just claimed it. So ladies repeat after me:

"Other women are no threat" ,"I'm the best woman you EVER dated","Your attempts to think otherwise are futile."

Wow, I just fell on the floor dreaming about a woman with that much CONFIDENCE. Moral of the story, when it comes to dating towards marriage…

YOU CAN'T JUST SAY YOU'RE THE "ONE" YOU HAVE TO DATE LIKE IT!

Men- Do you agree or would you prefer your date to take an alternative approach? How common is it for you to date women who fail to hide their insecurities?

Ladies- Which one did you answer? Do you agree with my advice or do you have something better? How do you ward off disrespectful women who assume that your dating is "choosing?" Have you ever dated a man that had insecurities that posed a problem?

Want the book that gives the entire RING FORMULA towards marriage for under 15 bucks?