Why Can’t A Successful Black Woman Find A Man? Part Three

#3- Poor Dating Skills and Lack of Self-Confidence

The third reason that is preventing too many successful African-American women from dating toward marriage is a combination of poor dating skills and lack of self-confidence. I combine the two because I feel they go hand and hand. Both are absolute no-no’s when it comes to courting a man.

Women should always be two or three steps ahead of a man. She should start the courting process by knowing and capitalizing on the fact that men thrive off and are addicted to power. If she’s been schooled properly then she knows that it’s her power that drives men wild. However, don’t get confused about the term “successful” as being important to men when seeking a wife. Truth is, men could care less about a woman's career, home ownership status or the quality of her ride (worldly success). These may be virtues that may matter when seeking a business partner but certainly not a wife.

What we really care about when searching for Mrs. Tartt (my last name-smile) is how successful you are in transforming us from Clark Kent into Superman! See, even the most prideful man knows that a great woman is essential in upgrading him into the best man he can possibly be. Let’s look at a happily married man as an example. By and large, he eats healthier, has more emotional support/physical intimacy, better manages his money and is more balanced in his life. In fact, he's made enough improvements that he may even consider running for President of the United States!

A woman with supreme confidence assesses a bachelor's “gaps” and areas of needed growth and quickly and confidently goes to work. She utilizes her awesome skills set (nurturer, motivational speaker, comforter, business adviser, workout coach, prayer partner, etc.) to transform him from a man with potential into one of substance and mighty force. Within in a year, her imprint on him is so noticeable to his parents, friends and colleagues that he would be a fool to let his new found source of enhanced power get away.

See, a woman with dating skills and supreme confidence realizes that a man’s greatest fear is not commitment. Instead, his greatest fear is not marrying the woman of his dreams and, in turn, downgrading back into the less powerful and permanent bachelor Clark Kent. If that’s not enough, he has to suffer for an eternity for leaving the door wide open for another less-deserving (at least in our minds) yet obviously smarter man to marry her. To add insult to injury, she has the nerve to let her husband (which should have been him) wear his Superman cape.

In summary, ladies, since when did you lose your confidence to improve single men’s lives. Has the media really clouded your judgment? Don’t you see the single brothers in your neighborhood still eating fast food, working all the time and on a dating carousel of poor choices with high heels but no ideals? Of course you do! So, do what a future wife would do please! Step in and UPGRADE THAT MAN. Remember to pack your cookbook, Bible and Superman cape too because the ring you covet and deserve isn’t made out of Kryptonite.

Why Can’t A Successful Black Woman Find A Man? Part Two

Reason 2: Black Women Appear Too Unapproachable

Black women have a bad habit of appearing unapproachable without knowing it. Others may describe Black women as mean or B’s because their faces often look upset, powerfully distant and coldly rejecting at times. However, someone more intimate and knowledgeable of the Black woman would realize that it's a mask that Black men are somewhat responsible for creating in the first place.

The sad truth is that we have let down a lot of our sisters by being absent dads, inadequately educated and dating outside the race (primarily celebrities not in the general population). These are tough pills to swallow for African-American women and only serve to add insult to injury. Sadly, it's difficult to find a race of people who treat their women as poorly as we have in the recent past.

Yes, I know a series of sociological factors (racism, lack of access to quality education, hip-hop music) have contributed to the lack of available Black men to marry, but those factors don't exactly comfort the bruised egos of our Black women. Truth is, the large majority of Black women in their late 20's to 40's should be married by now if compared to their White counterparts.

However, I do bring good news and one very easy suggestion that should attract your Black Adonis despite the statistics. SMILE because there are millions of responsible, highly educated (college and self-educated), strictly Chocolate-loving Black men who are struggling to find lasting love as well. Trust me, they would love to make your acquaintance. All they need is a simple sign that you are ready for them to introduce themselves. A stunning smile, playful attitude and fun-loving spirit mixed with walk of a Nubian Goddess are all any Black man needs to get inspired and approach with the swagger of a King.

Fact is, Black men need more smiles in their in life. Coming home to a Black woman with a smile on her face is therapeutic and ensures that even the worst day ends well. With all the stress from the recession, racism and social ineqaulity that Black men must endure, what Black man do you know who couldn't use a warm smile right about now? So ladies, remember to SMILE when you are in public...Black men are looking and waiting for you to make it personalized too.

Why Can’t A Successful Black Woman Find A Man? Part One

Sometimes God sends you surprises in big packages! I was selected to attend and provide "expert" analysis on the upcoming ABC Nightline Faceoff, “Why Can’t A Successful Black Woman Find A Man.” The panelist included Hill Harper, Jimi Izrael, Sherri Sheppard and Jacque Reid and was moderated by ABC journalist Vicki Mabry and author/comedian/radio host Steve Harvey. By and large, what was discussed has been heard before. However, what makes it can’t miss television are the highly entertaining, energetic personalities and thought provoking format.

It also succeeded in lighting a fire inside of me to discuss the real problems behind why successful, Black woman are struggling to meet, court and marry. I’ll start with three primary reasons:

1) Lack of Access To Quality Men
2) The Appearance of Being Unapproachable
3) Poor Courting Skills & Poor Self-Confidence

I’ll briefly explain the first point. Despite what’s been largely written and promoted in the media, I don’t feel that the majority of Black women are doing anything wrong when it comes to dating. I simply feel that after college the social scene changed so dramatically that African-American men and women simply lost access to one another. In most cities, even major ones like Atlanta, single men and women have no common place to naturally meet to interact with the opposite sex outside of the bar, lounge or club setting. After all, how can you marry a man whom you never even gotten the opportunity to meet?

This is a solvable problem. There is no doubt in my mind that if every available Black person went back to college for a week that more than half would eventually get married. Hence, our biggest problem is lack of access to one another, not what each gender is doing wrong. So, I am calling for a national movement to bring back the late afternoon, early evening house party where friends invite platonic friends for the sole purpose of conversing, dating and eventually marrying one another. After all, a brother has to eat and a sister needs some boxes moved, right?. Who’s in?