As a psychologist and author, I’ve discovered a major fundamental difference between men and women when it comes to relationships: MEN REFUSE TO SETTLE!
I’ve heard for years that men in their late 20’s, 30’s or 40’s who are professional, attractive, God-fearing yet SINGLE must be one of four things: 1) Gay 2) Crazy 3) Life-time players or 4) Commitment phobic. However, I would like to add one much more likely category that I believe will ACCURATELY categorize the majority of good, available, professional men who love the Lord…
LOOKING
That’s right LOOKING. They are looking for the right woman to settle down with. Men do not tend to settle for even 75% of what they are looking for- they want it ALL. By experience, men will not settle down and marry until they find that special woman, the ONE ak.a. the "complete package", who sweeps them off their feet by possessing ALL the qualities to warrant the term “wife”. A man will date numerous women, avoid commitment with a pretty good woman, and choose work, money and/or working out over marriage for the rest of his life-especially one who’s been divorced before-
UNLESS…
A woman comes along who sweeps him off of his feet who knows the RING FORMULA- the ring formula to being his wife. She must possess all of qualities that he has been searching high and low, near and far, locally and internationally for. If a woman has the formula down then she’s in the ultimate position of power. After all, one of man’s greatest fears is letting the ONE walk into and out of his life. He’s spent his entire adult life looking for her remember-that’s why he’s dated so many women (don’t you get it?).
He still can recall the potential ONES he didn’t commit to earlier who are now married or moved on. This time around, he’ll give his left arm not to lose the ONE and put in the necessary WORK (a term of endearment for men) to seal the deal which usually means producing a RING.
What are these qualities? Here’s a sneak peak at my list. Watch the video for detailed explanation and please feel free to add your own!
1) A Chef
2) A Cheerleader
3) A Counselor
4) A Women With Supreme Confidence
5) An Encourager
6) A Co-Pastor
7) A CEO
8) You add…
4 comments:
Sometimes you just need to hear things from someone other than yourself. Thank you... you just spoke verbal witness to me that I'm on the right track. Oftentimes, particular in today's society, I feel many women view these qualities as being archaic and unimportant when it comes to getting and keeping a man worth having. So many times, and this refers to many things, we focus on the exterior entirely too much versus the interior. Thanks again for your insight as to what men really want. Keep up the good work.
I think you have an overall understanding of men and women and what each lacks that make each less than desirable and also the things that make each desirable. However, as a woman I am not with your idea of a "ring formula". What happened to plain ole love? what about just falling in love in the purest sense? you boil relationships down to these "acts" that one must perform- albeit most of the time, from your perspective-What the woman should be doing!I have yet to find a man that deserves me to jump through the hoops that you suggest to "keep" or get his attention. I was not the girl dreaming about my wedding day since age 12...I have always had men "around"..getting in a relationship.. coming out of a relationship,hangers on and all.I have never had to chase, run after, persuade, or straighten up for any man, because any man I have been with had an unspoken understanding that he was blessed to be with me.So how about writing a book for men about catching women like me who are single because we haven't found the man worthy to be married to us.
Anyone can perform acts to keep someone interested in them, but men and women will always stay with someone they LOVE, sometimes regardless of their behavior. Just food for thought.
Dr. Tartt, now this is great advice, but what about woman? In the past I've "settled", and realized I was worth much more this is why they are "ex's!" I do all the things that you mentioned in your book, the chef, the encourager, motivator, CEO, etc, but what about women, and what we deserve, desire, and want in men?
I have all those quailty that is on your list and they are important. I am divorced now because my ex abused me, but I am healed from all of that.I thought I had caught somebody attention but I am not to sure because all he does is stare at me. I am still trying to understand what he is thinking.
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